A Case of Déjà Vu

By Sheila Paulson

When I decided to go to Gauda Prime to look for Blake, it was a decision that took a lot of thought and one I wasn't sure of even after we started. There were so many stories and legends about Blake by then that a careful man had to weigh them out to see if it would be to our advantage to link up with him or not. He was reported to be a bit of a fanatic, but Jessa says I have no imagination, so it's hard to say. I know what's right and go by that as often as I can, and she and the others don't have any complaints so far.

I've known what the Federation is for a long time. I had some encounters with them, considered my life ruined by them twice and had once been their prisoner for half a year before they decided they didn't want me and traded me off in a prisoner exchange. Later we learned the exchange was meant to be one way. The Federation officer would be freed by the rebels and I'd be held, but that's how I met Jessa. She popped up beside me at the exchange point with a wide range stun gun and shot everyone but me. "Well, come on," she said impatiently in her gruff voice. "Do you need a bloody invitation to escape? I'm hardly likely to carry you."

Jessa's a little bit of a thing, barely bigger than a child, and no one ever accused me of being a small man, so I grinned and followed her. She took me to the Voice of Liberty, her ship, and introduced me to her crewmates, most of them as tough and war weary as she was. Sorl Banda was captain then, a hard and bitter man who had watched helplessly while the Federation killed his two sons for being resistors. It had turned Sorl into one, and no one I ever saw was more determined to overthrow the Federation than be was.

When Sorl died half a year after the Andromedan war, killed by one of the aliens who had gone to ground on a frontier world, Jessa insisted I take his place. I'm no leader, but with Sorl gone, they needed someone with plain common sense, and I've got that all right.

Besides Jessa, there are the Garik brothers, Rod and Ren, alike as twins though there's a year between them. Rod was blond and Ren's hair was red, so we could tell them apart. We couldn't otherwise because they played up the resemblance and shared opinions like one person instead of two. Sometimes I wondered if they were telepathic, at least with each other, but they couldn't send like Aurons. Ren was the more hotheaded of the two and he had only to offer a crazy idea for Rod to declare it was the best plan since the invention of the stardrive, and we'd be off again.

If not for Jessa and Col, we might have come a cropper after Sorl died, but Col was one of the smartest men I'd ever met, though he didn't flaunt it. He often sat quietly listening to Rod and Ren trying to outshout each other while Jessa coolly put them in their place with a well chosen criticism. She had a sarcastic tongue and she picked on the Gariks as if she were their older sister. With me, she was a little different, annoyed when I'd sit back and let her sarcasm wash over me unoffended. I'd heard worse than the brand she dished out.

We were all a little in love with Jessa, which was maybe surprising since she was so sharp tongued and she wasn't particularly beautiful. A few years older than me, she had been in space since her teens and she had learned to be wary when we left the safety of our ship. She laughed at the 'twins' when they tried to flirt with her, telling them she was old enough to be their mother, which wasn't quite true. Her heart belonged to Col, though, and he wasn't interested. Not that he didn't care for her--or the rest of us; he did. He proved it often enough, going along with our ill-conceived plans, always there when needed. But he wouldn't risk getting close to Jessa. we never learned much of Col's background except that he was a superb weapons' tech with a gift for machinery. He could work on ship repairs with Ren, who was a decent engineer, and would back Rod on the computers though it wasn't his field. He was there for us and favored none, and I thought that best, though I felt for Jessa sometimes.

When I started thinking about offering Blake our services, it was Col who most opposed the plan. He'd heard a nasty rumor that Blake had been captured and programmed after the Andromedan War, thought we couldn't prove it. "They say Blake's different," Col argued. "You know what I mean. They say he doesn't care for anything anymore."

"I can't believe that," I disagreed. "That was never Blake's way."

"Blake's way has been to pursue his cause with utter single mindedness," Col insisted. "He doesn't care who gets hurt along the way."

"Oh, Col, really," burst out Jessa with rare impatience when talking to him. "Look who you're talking to."

I used to know Blake, you see. I fought the Federation at his side before I was captured, and I knew the man, but none of the others did. Recent reports about Blake made me uncomfortable. Maybe Col was right. Maybe he had been conditioned. It had been done to him before--this time might be easier. But we'd never know unless we went, and the five of us with one small ship couldn't do much good. We had some rebel contacts but Blake was the legend. I wanted to go as much as Jessa and the Gariks did.

Col must have seen that, for he gave in. "I think you're wrong," he told me. "I think you all are. You hear the name Blake and go into a trance. He's just one man. Part of his reputation's due to the Liberator and part to Kerr Avon's computer gifts." Col grimaced. "I think Blake's a dangerous fanatic, but that's my opinion. If the rest of you want to go, I'll come along. All I ask is that we don't make a final decision before talking to Blake. Well?" He cocked an eyebrow at each of us in turn.

"You're right," Jessa agreed. She agrees with Col a lot, so none of us were surprised.

"Blake will convince you. You'll see," countered Ren.

"Blake will show you he's just what we need," added Rod. His hair was the same white blond as Col's must have been when he was younger: Col's was mostly grey now. But Rod's and Ren's faces were round and eager, and Col's was long and bony with prominent cheekbones and aristocratic nose. He was the only Alpha among us, though Jessa's father was supposed to have been one. Her mother was a Beta grade technician who had worked on the Federation teleportation project a long time ago. Col said he'd worked on it too before leaving to live on one of the Outer Worlds. He never said why.

"All right, we'll go," I decided. "But carefully. Jess, see if you can turn up any rebel codes that we might use to contact Blake."

"But you know him. You can call in and tell him you're back."

"It was a long time ago I knew him, Jessa."

"He won't have forgotten you."

"No, but he won't expect me either. Let's not commit ourselves too early."

So we went to Gauda Prime. The news we picked up along the way wasn't good. I was beginning to think we should turn round before we arrived. GP had been wild and free, with the criminal element going their own way--maybe Blake thought he'd be safer from the Federation there--but now there was an attempt to restore the Rule of Law and bounty hunters were everywhere. The last thing any of us wanted was to meet a bounty hunter, but it might give us cover because we could pretend to be bounty hunters ourselves.

I didn't like the idea. No one who looked at Rod and Ren would believe it of them. Col and Jessa could probably pull it off; they'd been around long enough to have acquired an edge. Col looked neither innocent nor naive, but Col was not the world's greatest actor either. An Alpha bounty hunter, now there was something.

When I hesitated, Ren cried, "But Blake might be in danger."

"Maybe it's a scheme to get him," Rod agreed with his brother. "Maybe we can rescue him."

After that, nothing could have kept the boys from Gauda Prime, and Jessa agreed with them. She could be reckless, the way she'd been when she first rescued me. Col grimaced in a way that always reminded me of Avon and nodded. "I won't swim against the tide. All right. We'll go."

As we neared the planet, we almost came under attack and I was all for pulling out and leaving Blake to his own devices until things calmed down. But we were ignored. Small fish, maybe. We managed a landing not far from Blake's base. I was afraid someone would come to investigate us: Federation, Blake's patrols, bounty hunters. We armed ourselves with our stun weapons and waited but nothing happened. A couple of flyers went into the base, and Jessa reported a troop ship coming down beyond it, further away than we were.

"An ambush." Col sounded unsurprised. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"We have to warn Blake!" cried Ren.

"I've been trying," Jessa said, looking up from the comm board. "I can't reach anyone."

I had to make a hard decision then because it looked like trouble if not an out-and-out trap, but Blake needed warning. Maybe his communications were down. If we went now, we could get in and out again before the troops arrived but only if we hurried and were very lucky. I announced my decision and the brothers broke into smiles. Jessa nodded, satisfied, as if she'd read me right. Col grimaced, but he came, the way he always does.

"Will he be glad to see you?" Jessa asked, falling into step as we went through the forest.

"Surprised, more likely. He thinks I'm dead."

"Why didn't you ever tell him you weren't?"

I thought it over. I wasn't sure why I'd never contacted Blake.

While I was considering, Col joined us. "He abandoned you, didn't he? I should think that's why."

"Would you come back for a dead man, Col ?" I asked. "Blake thought I was dead . My limiter malfunctioned and depressed my life signs. I would have looked dead unless he checked very closely. He didn't have time. The place was about to come down around his head, and he had the others to think about."

"But he left you for Servalan," Jessa protested. We didn't talk much about such things, but she must have guessed I wouldn't mind now. "Weren't you angry?"

"Yes, at first, until the doctor let it slip I'd looked dead. Servalan thought me dead when she found me: one of the mutoids discovered I was still alive." I shrugged. "They put me back together. I think Servalan meant to use me to capture Blake, but then Blake left the Liberator and was hard to find. Servalan must not have thought Avon would risk himself for me."

"Wouldn't he though?" asked Rod, overhearing us. "He was one of Blake's people, wasn't he?" His look all but accused me of blasphemy.

"Yes, but Avon wasn't the type for heroic rescues. He might have rescued me himself if he didn't take the time to think it out beforehand, but he wouldn't have risked the ship and the rest of them without a lot of guarantees. Avon was hard to understand, but Vila and I talked about him sometimes. Vila did understand him, I think, but he didn't let Avon guess. Avon and I weren't close. He had a brilliant mind, very quick, and I'm a plodder, always was. One step at a time, that's me."

"You get us where we want to go," said Jessa. "Why didn't Avon and Blake get together after the Galactic War?"

"I wish I knew. Avon wanted the Liberator. He talked of leaving Blake on Earth after we destroyed Central Control. Blake would then united the rebels there and coordinate rebel activity and Avon would keep the ship."

"But Central Control wasn't on Earth, " said Ren. "And they say Avon destroyed the Liberator in his eagerness to find Blake again."

"'They' say a lot of things," Col reminded him deprecatingly. "I can't quite see him rushing off to find Blake. Avon wasn't that sentimental--from what you've told us."

It was true. Avon wasn't sentimental. "He was never as hard as he wanted people to think," I decided, surprised at the sudden realization. "I don't know about now, how he's changed, but once he said he'd never understood why it was necessary to become irrational to prove you cared or why it was necessary to prove it at all." I smiled. "Meaning he never proved it. We had to take him on faith. He came down and rescued us on Horizon when he could have taken the Liberator and run. He didn't have to free us either. He'd almost convinced himself we were dead." I peered through the thinning trees. "We're coming up on the base. Keep it quiet now."

No one challenged us. I found that suspicious and I don't have a suspicious nature. But a hidden rebel base should try to stay hidden and this was wide open. We went though the hangars where flyers were parked and if we triggered an alarm, it was a silent one. But we heard an alarm after leaving the hangar. I don't think we triggered it: it was already going. Maybe they'd spotted the troop ship after all.

As we went on, the alarm stopped, though red lights kept flashing. We checked our weapons and went on nervously. Then we came to a control center and stopped in the doorway to a horrible sight. Avon stood there, weapon raised, his face ghastly, and on the floor between his feet was Blake's body, covered with blood. Troopers were all round Avon--where had they come from? A smile spread across his face as he prepared to fire. I knew the minute he did, he'd be a dead man, so I started firing first.

Col had designed our wide angle stun guns, very useful when you're one against a lot, and though the range is much shorter than a standard weapon's, this room was no trouble. Using a stun gun didn't affect my limiter either, as long as 'stun' was the weapon's only setting. Give me a multi-function gun and I'd freeze and the pain would come back.

Avon would have to be stunned too, but I thought he'd prefer it to dying. When I fired, Ren and Rod did too, and everyone crumpled. Jessa was behind us, but she could see enough to bite off any questions, and Col stood like a statue. He wasn't above being shocked.

When everyone but us was flat on the floor, I gestured my people into the room. "We don't have much time. The rest of those troopers are on their way. Grab everybody still alive who's not in Federation uniforms and let's get out of here."

I went to Blake, sure he was dead, but he wasn't; he was still breathing raggedly. He looked dreadful, but when I tore his shirt open, I saw he was wearing body armor. If he'd not been hit at such close range, it might have held up, but it had been enough to save him, though he looked a mess. Most of the blood was superficial, though the armor had ruptured and torn up the skin of his belly. If he lived, he'd have bad scars there.

I saw Col checking Avon, who had fallen beside Blake and lay with his head pillowed on Blake's shoulder. Col's face was as white as Avon's and his hand gripped Avon's wrist to check his pulse. "He's just stunned," I reminded Col. "Check the others."

"This one's alive," Ren called out, and I saw it was Vila. "Stunned and a little shocky, but he'll make it."

"So's this woman," Jessa reported. I had no idea who she was. She was blond and younger than Jenna.

"Can you bring her?" I asked. Being the biggest, I'd have to carry Blake, and I'd let Col manage Avon.

"I think so. She's not hurt."

"I've got another," Rod reported. He'd been circling the room and now he stopped beside a young man who looked like he'd been worked over before being stunned. Like Blake, his hair was curly. He was another stranger.

"Is that all?" We were running out of time.

No one else had survived, so each of us took one of Blake's people. Jessa was overloaded, but it's not her way to complain, and Ren and Rod would die before admitting any weakness. Col had Avon slung over his shoulder, but I couldn't do that with Blake because of his wound. It was one of those times when being bigger than most people comes in handy.

We got into cover among the trees before any more troops arrived, though I doubted we missed them by much. The 'twins' led the way with Vila and the other man, and I made Jessa stay in front of me so she wouldn't fall behind unnoticed. When we reached the ship, she was spent and left the blond woman just inside the airlock while the rest of us carried the men to the medical unit. I wanted a good look at Blake since his was the most serious injury. We gave the battered young man the other med table and Ren went back for the blond girl.

Leaving Gauda Prime seemed very urgent by then; when the backup troops came in they'd know someone had been before them and they'd look for us, so we'd have to run or fight. The Voice is a decent ship and others think it's marvellous, except for Col, who doesn't think anything is, but they hadn't been on Liberator. I knew we could outrun pursuit given a decent chance, but there were no guarantees of that.

I had Ren and Rod go to the flight deck with Jessa to man the weapons and back her. I stayed to work on Blake. I was surprised when Col chose to stay too, but I put him to work with the young man.

Besides losing blood and having the skin of his belly torn up, Blake wasn't too badly hurt. Col had taught me to read some of the medical scanners, so I could set up a transfusion though the machines did most of the work. Once replacement blood was pumping into Blake's body and the wound covered with a regen compound, I could safely leave him and see to the others.

Col had finished his patient by then. "He's a bit the worse for wear but it's the stun that's made him unconscious. They were all stunned. It seems the Federation wanted them alive." He began to examine Avon.

"He'll be all right," I said. "He was hit with our wide angle beam." Col's design was very handy for the kind of fighting we'd done at Blake's base, where you're clearly outnumbered and scoring direct hits doesn't matter as much as stopping the enemy and getting out alive.

I checked Vila next, and suspected he was shamming. If he'd recognized my voice, he didn't admit it, but he was too tense to be unconscious, and as I bent over him, he groaned tentatively. He didn't want to open his eyes to a Federation prison and discover a torturer bending over him, but he was listening for all he was worth.

"Come on, Vila, you're alive and well," I encouraged him. "We brought out everyone still alive. We're ready to leave Gauda Prime, and I could use your help." To prove me right, Jessa came over the intercom and told us to brace for takeoff, then the ship began to lift. I steadied Vila through the initial boost.

He opened on eye and peered at me. He must have remembered my voice, but it was the last one he'd expect. Suddenly I was sorry I hadn't let him know I was alive.

When he saw me, he turned paler than before and shut the eye quickly. "I knew it," he moaned, "I'm dead."

"No, you're not, and I'm not either," I reassured him. "Sit up and take a look around. Avon and Blake are here and two others I don't know."

"Avon and Blake!" Vila cried, bouncing up so quickly he almost fell over. "Blake's dead, isn't he? And you're dead, Gan." His eyes opened so wide I thought his eyeballs would pop out. "Is this...Hell?"

"Not even Heaven, Vila. Take it easy, you've been stunned."

He made a face. "I know that. I feel terrible. I'm going to be sick."

Deftly Col passed me a basin. I held it for him and steadied him until he finished retching, then I wiped his face and eased him back against the wall. "You'll feel better soon, Vila. You shouldn't move around so much until the stun wears off."

"I'll never move again." His eyes moved though, searching the room. "Avon. I should have known he'd make it." He didn't sound pleased, but the muscles in his shoulders relaxed. "He is alive, isn't he? Murderous bastard, he always survives."

"He's alive. He was standing protecting Blake from the Federation when we arrived."

"Protecting Blake?" Vila shook his head and winced.

"Straddling his body, gun raised. He looked like he knew he had no chance, but then he smiled. I supposed because he'd take some of them with him?"

"No, it was because he knew they'd kill him." It was the blond woman, who sat up very carefully, holding her head in her hands. "I think he wanted to die. Did you say Blake was alive?"

"Wanted to die?" muttered Col in a horrified voice.

"Blake is alive," Vila confirmed. "Soolin, this is Gan."

"I thought Gan was dead." She stared at me.

"So did I. But he's not--not unless we're all dead?" he finished nervously.

"None of you are dead," Col said, removing the basin and sticking it in a disposal chute.

Vila stared at him, his eyes widening again. "I know you, don't I?" he said in a strange voice. "Surely I know you."

Looking uncomfortable, Col turned to the other unconscious man. "We have never met."

"But--"

A groan from Avon interrupted him, and Vila moved to place me between him and Avon. "You take care of him," the thief said. "That'll give him a good shock."

"I don't think he needs any more shocks, Vila," Soolin reproved him. She got up carefully and sat beside Avon, touching his arm. "Avon, it's Soolin. We're safe and away from the Federation."

Maybe she thought he'd come up fighting but he didn't. Instead he opened his eyes and my heart lurched because his eyes looked dead. There was no expression in them at all. "Vila's here," Soolin went on. "And Tarrant, though he's still unconscious."

"Blake's alive, Avon," Vila said meaningfully, winning a hard look from Soolin, who had evidently meant to tell him more gently.

Avon flinched. "Blake is dead." His voice was as empty as his eyes.

Col turned from Tarrant and spoke in a tone I'd never heard from him before. "Blake is alive. I promise you that."

Avon went so white he looked like an albino. I thought nothing could distract him from Blake's survival, but Col did. Avon's eyes closed tight like a child's will when he sees something too frightening to look at, and his hands closed into fists. He quivered and shook.

Vila glared at Col and sat beside Avon. I had wondered at Vila's hostility to Avon, but he didn't sound hostile now. "Avon," he said gently. "You're not seeing ghosts. I promise. You're not. I don't understand either."

"You? Understand?" Avon opened his eyes. They passed me without more than a flicker of surprise, lingered on Blake with the blood dripping into his arm and then returned to Col, who had not moved. They stared at one another.

"Hello, Kerr," said Col.

"You are dead," Avon returned in an unsteady voice. "I know you are dead."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"If you're not," Avon replied in the strangest voice yet, "Then I am not sorry."

I didn't know how he meant that, and I don't think Col did either because he took a step back as if Avon could do less damage from there. To everyone's surprise, Avon hesitated then stretched out his hand to Col, and Vila stopped being protective and gave Col room to take it.

Col pulled Avon to him and hugged him. "I've missed you," he said.

Avon mumbled something that might have been agreement and actually hugged him back. After a long moment, he caught himself, jerked free and said furiously, "Where the hell have you been?"

I looked at Vila, who was smiling in a very know-it-all fashion. "This is only my ship. Why should I know what's going on?"

"I don't know either," Soolin admitted. "But Vila does. He's going to tell us right now, aren't you, Vila?"

" Anybody can see it. Look at them. " He gestured at Col, who was facing Avon talking nineteen to the dozen. "He's Avon's brother, that's who he is. Avon must have thought he was dead."

A bell rang in my head. I'd thought more than once that Col reminded me of Avon but the blond hair had misled me. I'd noticed Col making references to Avon once or twice and thought he'd picked it up from my talk about the Liberator. But when we'd entered Blake's control center, Col had gone straight to Avon and had fussed over him ever since.

"It's too many resurrections for one day," lamented Vila. "You owe us a story, Gan. How did you survive? Blake said you were dead. Why isn't he dead? Avon shot him thoroughly enough."

Col and I echoed, "Avon shot him?" in astonishment. Avon had fought with Blake and disagreed with him and sometimes acted as if he hated him, but I'd never quite believed it. I couldn't imagine Avon shooting Blake. Avon avoided looking at Col, staring at his hands with a great show of interest.

"It was party my fault," said the battered young man, Tarrant, who was sitting up in bed watching us with a bemused face. He must have been awake and listening. "Blake was playing at being a bounty hunter and I thought he meant to turn us in for the reward. Now I don't think so, but Blake's devious. He must have been testing me to see whose side I was on because I don't think he's gone bad. Gone mad maybe, but that's different. He had a woman there, Arlen. She was an undercover Federation officer who had worked her way into Blake's organization and set up the ambush at the end. We came at the wrong time." He turned to me. "Did I hear Vila call you Gan?"

I nodded. "We rescued you. We're trying to run the blockade."

"We're doing it. Can't you feel it? We're almost free of the atmosphere."

I hadn't been paying attention, but he was right.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Besides being a pilot. "

"He's Tarrant," Vila introduced. He glared at Tarrant. "You had to do it, didn't you? You told Avon Blake betrayed him."

"I thought he had," Tarrant defended himself. "What was I supposed to do, let him turn us in for the reward?"

"You could have been a little more circumspect," Soolin said. "But Blake's still alive."

Avon's eyes went to Blake, and Tarrant stared, wide-eyed, at the supposed corpse. "He was wearing body armor," I explained. "If he was pretending to be a bounty hunter, the armor was a good idea."

Avon moved stiffly, and Col helped him to his feet. He went to Blake's bed and looked at him, and I couldn't guess what he was feeling. For a long time, he stood there, then, without warning, he turned and walked out of the room. Col looked after him, gave me an apologetic smile, and followed him.

Vila stared after them miserably, then he got up and went to stand by Blake. "He didn't explain," he said. "Avon asked him to, said he didn't understand, but Blake didn't explain. He never did. I don't know why Avon thought this time would be different."

I watched Soolin get up carefully and join Vila beside Blake, while Tarrant propped himself up on his elbow.

"Blake always did things his own way," I agreed.

Vila exchanged a look with the other two, then he cried, "Wait a minute. 'Where's Dayna?" And all three of them froze.

"If you've left her..." Tarrant started, half sitting up, then his voice trailed off. "She's dead, isn't she?"

"We brought out everyone alive, Tarrant," I told him. "I'm sorry."

"Arlen shot her," Soolin reminded Tarrant. "She shot that man of Blake's and he's not here either. I think the Federation troops had their guns set to stun and planned to take us alive, but Arlen was undercover and had to protect herself."

"Servalan would've been furious if she'd killed Avon or Blake," Vila muttered. "She'd have wanted them alive." He was quiet a minute, then he said, "Poor Dayna."

"She knew she could die," Soolin said flatly. The three of us looked at her, then Vila nodded reluctantly.

"We should never have gone there," he said at last. "And I bet Avon noticed right away that she wasn't here."

" At least Blake's alive," I pointed out. None of them looked like they considered it a fair trade. "You should rest," I said. "You've all been stunned, and you don't feel very well."

Vila opened his mouth, either to agree or protest, then he broke off as the whole ship rocked violently. "So much for running the blockade."

Tarrant staggered to his feet, caught his balance, looking like he was fighting not to be sick. "Where's the flight deck?"

"You're not up to--"

"I'm probably the best pilot on board. Argue later."

Jessa's voice came over the intercom then. "We could use some help up here," she said dryly.

I hit the return button. "On the way." Then I led them to the flight deck.

The ship rocked twice more before we got there, but it felt more like near misses than actual damage, and we've got a strong force wall. By the time we reached the flight deck, I'd told Tarrant what type of ship we had and he had nodded knowingly.

"I've experience wi th a ship like this," he said.

"He's very good," Soolin added quietly.

"He's as good as Jenna," Vila added breathlessly. He looked scared, which, oddly enough, reassured me. Vila, Avon and Blake had evidently all changed. I was glad there was still one thing the same.

There was no time for introductions. We burst onto the flight deck to find my whole crew there, Col manning weaponry. Avon wasn't there, which surprised me a little.

"Tarrant's the best pilot on board," I said. "Let him at it, Jess."

She didn't argue. Tarrant went to her station and I eyed them with respect as Tarrant stood watching over her shoulder, checking the readouts until he was familiar with them before the tapped her arm briefly. She slid out of position and he slid in so neatly that there seemed no transition. At once he set to work, and Jessa nodded approvingly and moved to the auxiliary potion where she activated the screen. There were no ego problems with Jessa.

I checked the main screen that revealed three pursuit ships coming in at an intercept course. "They've been trying to cut us off," Jessa announced. "If we can get past them we'll be home free."

Vila eyed the screen uneasily, and Soolin looked around the flight deck with a cool expression, studying each member of the crew. She watched Col the longest, probably as intrigued as I was by his relationship to Avon, but she eyed Jessa too and seemed satisfied, only looking mildly amused at the Gariks, who were as gung-ho as ever.

Then Tarrant altered course on a heading straight toward the lead pursuit ship as if he meant to ram it, and Col's eyebrows climbed up his forehead. He opened his mouth to protest, but at the last moment kept silent.

"Here, what are you about?" Vila demanded uneasily, but a sharp gesture from Soolin shut him up. The pursuit ship loomed larger and larger on the screen, then at the last possible moment, it jerked aside and we went smoothly past. Col let out his breath in a near whistle, but Tarrant began feeding instructions into his equipment to avoid fire, weaving about the sky like an expert. For what seemed a long time, we were buffeted about by the odd near miss, but only once did a charge actually impact on the force wall. The lights dimmed momentarily but came right back, and it wasn't long after that when Ren announced with satisfaction that we were out of range.

Tarrant laid in a new course and set us on it at top speed. Out of range didn't mean out of danger.

But the immediate tension had eased, and it was time for introductions. At once Ren and Rod gathered around Tarrant and began congratulating him on his skill, and after they ran down, Jessa joined him. "Del Tarrant," she greeted. "I've heard of you. You're as good as they say you are. You're even better than me, and I don't get too many chances to say that."

"You were holding them," he returned. "You might have got past them even without the games." Satisfied with each other, they turned for the rest of the introductions.

"I think we need to rest," I cut in. "It's been a rough day. Jess, do you think you're up to manning the flight deck awhile longer?"

She nodded. "No problems. "

"I'll rest," Vila volunteered. "And I wouldn't say no to a glass of adrenalin and soma. Do you have any, Gan?"

"If I'd known you were coming, I'd have laid in a supply, but I think we can find something. The only problem we've got now is that this is a small ship, and I'll have to double everyone up. Soolin, you can bunk with Jessa, Vila with me."

"Kerr is already in my cabin," Col volunteered, but he looked restrained and didn't offer any further information. He looked weary and depressed and I guessed the reunion had not gone very well.

"What about me?" asked Tarrant.

"Well, we've run out of cabins. You can bunk in the medical unit for the time being, all right?"

Tarrant nodded. "Somebody should probably check on Blake anyway. At least he's alive."

"And Avon's brother's here," Soolin reminded them as I led my three passengers back toward the medical unit. Blake didn't stir when we entered, but he looked like he was resting easier. "He must have thought he was dead. I never saw Avon react like that before."

"Maybe it will help," said Vila doubtfully. Col didn't look like it had helped. "Avon's changed a lot, Gan. You wouldn't know him. He doesn't even tease me any more. When he insults me now, he means it." He looked small and sad. "He even tried to kill me."

After hearing how Avon shot Blake, I wasn't surprised, though it had sounded like a misunderstanding. I didn't think this was. "What happened?"

Vila told me. They'd been on a shuttle over the planet Malodaar that weighed too much to achieve escape velocity and Avon had hunted Vila through the ship, evidently prepared to toss him out the airlock to lighten the load. Then he had found something heavy enough to serve and pushed it out instead. "He called to me to help him, and he sounded more normal," Vila finished. "But I was--I didn't come out till after. He was never the same to me again."

"Or you to him," Tarrant said neutrally.

"I had cause," Vila defended himself. "What would you have done if he'd tried to kill you?"

"Probably gone for him," Tarrant admitted. "I guessed what happened on Egrorian's shuttle, Vila, though you and Avon weren't talking. I wondered about it. I think you'd be dead if he'd really wanted to kill you."

Soolin looked surprised as if she had not expected reassurances from Tarrant, but then she said, "He's right. Because you probably wouldn't fight back, not against Avon. You'd hide if anything. But where could you have hid after the shuttle was stripped down?"

"I never thought you'd defend Avon," snapped Vila. "I thought of all that, didn't I? You weren't there. If you had been, you'd have hauled me out and tossed me off the ship to save your own skins. If you had, I would've fought you." Bitterness had run through all their voices, even Tarrant's when he had meant to reassure. I wondered how bad things were between them all.

"But not Avon?" I asked .

"You tear yourself up for him and he only hurts you," Soolin said unexpectedly. "Is it worth it, Vila?"

"You wouldn't think so, would you? You're almost as bad as he is. He hurts himself more than he ever hurts me anyway." Vila bit his lip and turned away. I thought he didn't want the others to see his face. Vila was much cleverer than me but he knew how to play the fool. Sometimes on Liberator, we'd laugh about it. I wasn't laughing now. These people were at the end of their rope. I wondered if Blake could help.

"And that makes it all right?" Tarrant cried incredulously. "Avon's a cold hearted bastard who doesn't care for anyone, not even himself. He needed Blake, I think, because Blake could keep him whole, or at least as whole as he could ever be. That's why we've hunted him, because Avon couldn't stop, even though he didn't accept that he needed Blake or ever had. We've all just got further and further apart, especially after Cally died. We should be working together, but we're not. We're running the Red Queen's Race, to keep from getting worse, and we're losing. Now we've found Blake and all but killed him. It would've been more than one man who died." He looked at Blake uneasily. "Avon might have been better off never having known him."

"That's your guilt talking, Tarrant." Vila's chin jutted out as he faced Tarrant down. "But you might be right. We can't keep pulling in different directions. Here's Blake and he's alive, and Avon's brother's here. Maybe they've got their own problems, but Avon was glad to see him, so he might do some good. At least Avon reacted to him at first. If Blake doesn't wake up cursing him, Avon might have a chance."

He turned his back on Tarrant and looked at me. "What should we do, Can? you were always straightforward. The rest of us play games, and that makes it worse. I think you have the right idea."

Vila had changed. The acid bitterness in his voice was new, and he'd never let the pain show like this before. Vila fancied the role of court jester, but a jester must be a wise man underneath. Maybe Vila was wise, but he'd played the part so long it became real and he made mistakes, like the time he'd thrown his gun away on the London. Vila was smart, but he wanted answers from me. Anyone will tell you I'm not smart, but Jessa says I have common sense. I've just lived a good bit, that's all.

"I've got one idea," I said slowly. "But it's not easy."

"What is it?" Soolin asked, interested.

I wondered if Blake was listening. He shifted slightly. "You could try being honest with each other."

None of them liked that very much. They were too used to hiding. Even at best on Liberator, we'd done that. It's the life the Federation makes us live. It's safest to hold back, but that only hurts in the long run. Avon was an extreme case, but the others had only been better in degree. There was even some of it on my ship; Jessa's surface cynicism, Col's secretive nature. Maybe Alphas were raised like that. But Vila had grown up in a large, extroverted Delta family and he was nearly as bad.

"All this thinking is giving me a headache," I said with a smile. "But--"

"You're doing it too," Vila cried gleefully. "You were never stupid. Maybe you aren't as clever as Avon, but who is? You were smart enough to live without destroying yourself. He's right, Soolin."

She frowned. "I don't choose to bare my soul to you."

"That's not what I mean," I said. "You're all worried about Avon, I could tell. You're afraid of what Blake will do when he wakes up. If he starts cursing Avon and wants to shoot him in revenge, the rest of you will try to protect him, though you'll pretend that's not really what you're doing, even you, Vila. Even though he might have tried to throw you off that shuttle."

"What do you mean, might?" Vila cried.

"If he'd tried to kill you, you'd be dead. Where is there to hide in a stripped-down shuttle?" I turned pointedly to Tarrant and Soolin, who looked slightly abashed. "You haven't convinced Vila," I told them. "Though you didn't have to try."

They started to protest, then they went quiet, and I kept on. "Convincing Avon will be harder. If Avon and Vila can be friends again, it will help everyone. They need that friendship."

"Avon needs Blake too," Vila said in a little voice. "I think they almost turned into each other when they were apart. They weren't comfortable together but there was something there. Blake looked as nasty and suspicious as Avon when we got to Gauda Prime, and Avon keeps trying to win the rebellion." He heaved a sigh. "I'm glad you're here, Gan. We need somebody like you. It's been terrible, especially since Cally--"

"Nobody ever talked about her," Soolin said. "When I joined the crew, I used to wonder if I'd be ignored and forgotten if I died. Then once, when I mentioned Cally, Vila snapped at me and I realized she wasn't forgotten, just a forbidden subject."

"You don't know anything about it," Vila snapped, then he shut up. After a long pause, he said, "I really liked Cally. In a way, I think Avon loved her. Not like lovers," he went on quickly. "But Cally gave us a--a center, a heart. After she was gone we didn't have it anymore."

"But you could have done," I said. "Don't you see, Vila. You had each other if you'd tried."

"It sounds far too easy," Tarrant replied. He sat down on the med table he'd abandoned in the crisis, his face too white. Some adrenalin and soma might help him too.

"With Avon around?" Vila was skeptical. "Nothing's easy with him."

"I think you should all rest now," I said. "Will you be all right here, Tarrant? We can clear out a hold and make another cabin, but probably not until tomorrow."

"I might as well stay," Tarrant answered. "I can watch him."

I checked the monitors. "I think he's sleeping now."

"Not unconscious?" Soolin asked. She looked at Blake's face as if answers were printed there.

"He lost a lot of blood. He'll probably sleep the clock around." I clapped Vila on the shoulder and steered him and Soolin toward the door. "Can you stay awake until I've done my rounds?" I asked Tarrant as we went out.

"With this headache? I don't have a hope of sleep."

*****

I showed Soolin and Vila their bunks and left them to sleep, then I went to the flight deck, where Ren and Rod were squabbling amiably about which of them should stand first watch. I dispatched Rod to sleep, eyed Jessa as she stretched in position, rubbed her eyes and did a few calisthenics.

"All right?" I asked her.

"Wide awake," she said mendaciously.

"Demonstrably," retorted Col. He did look awake, and glued to his position. I would have liked to talk to him, but he showed no signs of wanting to talk, so I left it for a bit and went to catnap myself. It looked like the next days would be difficult and I could face them better if I were rested. Avon I wasn't so sure of. I'd always made myself stand up to him in the old days, but that was before he got into the habit of trying to kill his friends. I was glad of Col's relationship to him because I thought it might help.

Before my nap, I looked in on Tarrant and saw that he had dozed off in spite of his good intentions and his headache, and I smiled a little and pulled a blanket over him before I went off. When I came back some hours later, neither he nor Blake had stirred.

I checked on the flight deck and saw that Rod was back and that Jessa had gone to rest. Ren looked like he could go on forever, so I didn't push him but gave Col a meaningful look. "Your turn to rest, my friend."

His mouth twisted into something that didn't quite look like a smile. "Come along and have some coffee with me, " he urged.

"How's Avon?" I asked him as we left the flight deck. I knew he didn't really want to talk about his brother, but I could feel that he planed to.

"I left him sleeping. He said he wasn't very happy to see me and I'd just as well have stayed away."

"You didn't by chance believe that?" I asked with a smile. Even I was used to Avon's rhetoric.

Col shook his head. "He needs the rest. Oh, god, Gan," he burst out unexpectedly, "He's in bad shape. I'm a thrice damned fool for not telling him I was alive."

"Why didn't you?" I asked. "I didn't guess you were his brother. You never told us." As we walked along together, I noticed suddenly that his walk resembled Avon's. I must have been blind not to see the resemblance before.

"Why didn't I?" he repeated. "For a lot of reasons. At first it was to protect him, then to protect me. After he was with Blake it wasn't safe to be known as his brother."

I led the way into the rest room and got us each a cup of coffee. "Tell me about it," I urged, gesturing him into a chair.

"Well, a long time ago, when Kerr was about sixteen, I got mixed up in the Freedom Party. The Federation was starting to be seriously repressive even then though the resistance didn't really start gaining momentum until the time Blake first got involved. I worked with Hal Mellanby and his people, and the only reason I wasn't caught with them was because I was offworld at the time trying to set up contacts. I'd never used my real name and I was never sure that someone might make the connection. Our family was in commerce and they had a lot of status. I didn't think they'd actually be shipped off to the Outer Worlds or a penal planet if I were caught: they usually reserve such treatment for people less well connected.

"Kerr was just a boy then and he was always a loner, too intelligent for his own good. He never made friends easily and he was a bit of a snob. He was uncomfortable with strangers, but he and I were close, though I'm seven years older. When Kerr and I were alone together, he was totally different. He would chatter away, completely relaxed. He'd tell me what books he'd read and what he meant to do with his life, and he had all kinds of dreams. I had a feeling he could do anything if only he'd let go and take the necessary risks, but something always held him back. He trusted me completely but he was afraid to trust other people. Every time he tried, something went wrong and I think he finally came to believe he was the one at fault. But he was safe with me. I encouraged him all I could, but I was the only one who did.

"Our parents were the typical upper echelon Alphas, proud, remote. I used to sneak off to the Delta domes for recreation--a lot of young Alphas did; slumming. But I made a friend there. I would go to his home and I couldn't believe how different it was. They used to laugh, Gan. They actually hugged each other when they came in at the end of the day--and sometimes for no reason but simple affection. They stood up for each other. Oh, I know they might not have been typical, but it was a revelation to me.

"I took Kerr there once--he was fifteen then--and he just stood there wide-eyed, unable to understand. I remember when we went home our parents were watching the financial news and they gave us the usual polite, disinterested greetings--they were always bloody polite but never quite human--and Kerr just stared at them. Then he went into his room and closed the door. He was very quiet for a long time after that, and the worst of it was that they didn't even notice."

He slid his coffee cup around on the table top, his eyes following the movements. I'd never heard him say so much at one time before in all the time I'd known him.

"Kerr started making disparaging remarks about Deltas after that, but I think it was because they had something he never could. I found out later he'd gone back once without me, and they'd welcomed him, inviting him in and going their exuberant way around him, asking his opinion when they quarreled, even teasing him. He didn't know how to be teased, Gan. He never went back, and they didn't understand why."

"You couldn't tease him on Liberator either," I remembered sadly, "though Vila managed it sometimes. "

"Maybe he could accept it from Vila because he remembered my friends." He sipped his coffee and grimaced at the taste. We can't get the Voice's coffee to be anything but bitter. Ren insists he could use it to clean the drive.

"Vila was always good for him," I said.

"Kerr told me something of the shuttle incident," Col said surprisingly. I hadn't expected that. Maybe Avon had wanted to shock his brother into hostility because that was what he expected from everyone. "Do you know about it?"

"Vila told me."

"He sat there in my cabin and listed all the people he'd killed, people who mattered to him. He said he was glad I was alive because it meant he hadn't killed me yet. I think he might run for fear it could still happen."

"It would break Vila's heart if he ran."

"I wish Vila would tell him so. Though I'm afraid Kerr would just stand there like that poor confused fifteen year old boy and never understand."

"He might if Blake tells him. But go on. You were a rebel with Mellanby's group. What happened next?"

" When I learned what happened, I ran. It wasn't that I was afraid for myself--or so I tried to believe--but I didn't want to reflect back on Kerr. By then I didn't care about my parents. I was right. I found out later they never went to see Kerr in prison when he was arrested for the bank job. He had to wait all alone, though by then he probably didn't expect better. They say there was a woman in it. Anna Grant. I knew he cared for her."

" And she didn't come either?" I asked .

He shook his head. "I was on Singer's Planet then, too far away to do anything, and right after that, I met Sorl and joined this ship. But I kept blaming myself for Kerr. I don't think you ever stop being a big brother, Gan."

"That's why you listened to my Liberator stories so closely, isn't it? And that's why you urged Sorl and the others to rescue me, because you knew I'd been with Avon."

"I was suspicious of the exchange, but when I heard it was you, I knew it was worth a try. Avalon liked the idea of our wide angle stun weapons and let us go in. I'm glad it worked. But I confess I thought you'd want to team up with Blake and Kerr again and that I'd find him."

" And I didn't ," I said sadly. "Maybe if I'd known you were Avon's brother I might have tried."

"I was so used to concealing my identity, I thought it might even be safer for the rest of you. If you didn't know who I was, you might not be in trouble for associating with me."

I shook my head sternly, wishing I'd followed my own advice about honesty. Maybe things would have been different. "You should know we'd stand by you. Maybe there's more of Avon--Kerr--in you than you know."

"There must be." He finished his co f fee in one long gulp and shuddered. "God , I hate this stuff. Maybe we can turn Kerr loose on the processing unit."

"For therapy?"

"Survival. Mine." He grinned and I realized I'd never seen Avon smile like that. Col had come from that same loveless household sane. Was he stronger than Avon or just luckier? "I want to stick with him, Gan," he went on. "I think I always knew I'd have to. Maybe that's one reason why I hold Jessa off, though god knows I want her."

"Maybe we should all stick together. Safety in numbers. Avon needs Vila, I think, and Blake, too, if Blake doesn't wake up wanting revenge."

"I think by the time Vila, Tarrant, Soolin and I finish with him, revenge will be the furthest thing from Blake's mind."

That made me smile. I gave him a comradely slap on the shoulder. "I'm going along to the flight deck to see how people are holding up, and then let's have dinner. I'm starting to get hungry."

"Starting?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I thought you were always hungry."

I laughed, feeling comforted by the familiar banter. "What about Avon?" I asked. "You'll check in on him?"

"I'll bring him to dinner." He hesitated. "You can tell Jessa and the 'twins' I'm his brother if you like."

"Maybe you should."

"Probably, but I'll likely be busy awhile, and they should know." He programmed himself a second cup of coffee. "I'll take this along and dose it with brandy for Kerr."

"Half and half?"

"That sounds about right."

I went to the flight deck and found Ren dozing over his instruments. He perked up when I came in, so I asked about the course. We were heading for Feran, a neutral world where we went for shore leave sometimes, running shielded. I'd told the crew about Avon's plans to develop a detector shield; he'd been working on plans for one before I'd left. Ren had claimed he could design something similar but it took all of us, the ship's computer and every reference we could pick up to get it done. I filled them in about Avon shooting Blake because I thought they should know, and they exclaimed at it. I'd tell Jessa separately.

"That's not all," Rod remarked. "You're looking mysterious."

"He doesn't know how to look mysterious," Ren corrected. "Come on, Gan, tell us."

That's when I told them about Col and Avon, which made them very excited. I'd decided the story about Avon's background was pri